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The Pandemic Primer

“Wine glass half full, wine glass half empty...why not make it a full on whine experience.”—Rae Jean Beech

The Pandemic Primer provides additional chapters to the Care and Feeding of the Aging Human Male Species that womansplain how to be a Semi-Quarantine Queen while navigating the Post-Quarantine-Vaccine Scene with your Aging Human Male. (YIKES!) This newsletter, arriving in the middle of each month, provides a road map to ease your Pandemic Progress and your own sweet self—and provides something else to read for those times when you still feel like shutting yourself in the car in the garage with the radio blaring just for some precious alone time!

Here’s the latest….

and be sure to check out the archives below for more chuckles!

Irene Shere 4/15/21 Irene Shere 4/15/21

Pandemic Partnerships: 7 Treatments for “Aggravation-So-Sucks” (ASS) Rash

Pandemic Partners Patti and Patrick had a bad fight. They made up the next morning. That afternoon Patrick said to Patti, “There is something special for you on the kitchen table.’” Patti walked to the kitchen, thinking, “How romantic! Could he have had flowers delivered? Did he add something chocolate to yesterday’s Instacart order?” When she got to the kitchen, at first Patti was a little disappointed, and then overjoyed...sitting on the kitchen table was a pack of 10 rolls of toilet paper!”

Volume: Shrill and whiney
Issue: Yes, sometimes it seems like EVERYTHING is an issue!
Date: So what is the expiration date on this virus?
Real Date: April 15, 2021

"Be a badass with a good ass"— Rae Jean Beech

7 Treatments for Aggravation-So-Sucks (A.S.S.) Rash

Even though some of the covid rules are easing, The Post-Vaccine Quarantine (PVQ) Scene can cause its own anxiety on what is safe and what is not safe. Until there is a legal requirement for a forehead tattoo “VV” for doubly-vaccinated, it is hard to know who to hug on and who to shrug off. And when you and your Boomer Buddy have your own different set of corona safety rules, it can be a case of Mean Quarantine Queen meets Boomer Fuddy Duddy. More corona conflict—and time to grab a corona from the frig!

The Psychopandemic volume of the Diagnostic Satirical Man-ual (DSM) identifies this post-vaccine anxiety with the psychological condition known as DSM #24/7: Aggravation-So-Sucks (A.S.S.). Most cases of Aggravation-So-Sucks (A.S.S.) are indicated by a rash; severe cases are also accompanied by a pain in the butt.

A.S.S. Rash Causes: Research currently reports that Aggravation-So-Sucks (ASS) Rash can be caused by continued exposure to the anxiety of The PVQ Scene. Your Pandemic Partner wants to go to COSTCO; you want that thought gone with a sharp “NO!” You want to fly to see the grandkids; his reply is to put on the skids. He gets dressed to go the gym; you get stressed and it’s “NO WAY!” addressed to him. Bobbing and weaving around The PVQ Scene can have you both sobbing and seething!

A.S.S. Rash Treatment: There is no known cure for A.S.S. Rash, but a tube of emotional lube—including these seven active (attitudinal) ingredients schmeared throughout the day—has proven to relieve A.S.S. Rash and restore more OM to your h-OM-e.

Sometimes “good enough” is good enough. Perfection is not allowed during PVQ semi-lockdown. All the old “shoulds” should be locked away in that musty closet (oops—excuse that “should”!). No need to vacuum and dust regularly, especially since there will be no wild partying soon (SAD!) Ease to please—only yourselves. Chillax is still cheaper than Maalox.
“Shake it off.” This is brilliant wisdom from pop star Taylor Swift. Life is short. Tempers don’t have to be. Days seem long. Bad moods don’t have to be.
Junk the judgment. Try to accept your Boomer partner as is—in all his/her glory or vainglory, dirty sweatpants and half-hearted apologies. Only you yourself are perfect. Obviously.
Be humble about your fumble. Everyone makes mistakes. Admit the fumble. To quote Miss Piggy, “Who, moi?” Humble pie can be hard to make (there’s another baking recipe to try amidst your corona bake-a-thon), but it has a sweet aftertaste.
Be sweet, don’t compete. The conflict to see who’s on top should only take place in the bedroom.
Don’t let anyone steal your joy! You are a good person. You are lovable. Whether your Boomer Partner is being a curmudgeon or not, you can choose to be happy. Don’t let your partner’s Quarantine Mean affect your scene. Indulge in activities that speak to your passions. Find joy in the moments.
“Amen.” The only last word you need. Grit those teeth, tighten those gluts, and let your Boomer Buddy have the last word—it really isn’t the LAST word.