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The Pandemic Primer

“Wine glass half full, wine glass half empty...why not make it a full on whine experience.”—Rae Jean Beech

The Pandemic Primer provides additional chapters to the Care and Feeding of the Aging Human Male Species that womansplain how to be a Semi-Quarantine Queen while navigating the Post-Quarantine-Vaccine Scene with your Aging Human Male. (YIKES!) This newsletter, arriving in the middle of each month, provides a road map to ease your Pandemic Progress and your own sweet self—and provides something else to read for those times when you still feel like shutting yourself in the car in the garage with the radio blaring just for some precious alone time!

Here’s the latest….

and be sure to check out the archives below for more chuckles!

Signe Porteshawver 11/1/21 Signe Porteshawver 11/1/21

The Dame Diamondof Daily Needs: Feelings◇Revealings◇Bods◇PODs

Volume: Soft and Sweet
Issue: It’s Sparkle Time!
Date: November 1, 2021

“Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.”—Nora Ephron

The Dame Diamond
of Daily Needs: Feelings◇Revealings
◇Bods◇PODs

Just as every Aging Human Male has his Geezer Triangle of Daily Needs (Sex▲Sustenance▲Sports), every Aging Human Female has her geezess geometric shape of needs, the multi-faceted, shining jewel: The Geezess Dame Diamond. As Carol Channing sang in the 1949 movie Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, “A diamond is a girl’s best friend.”

Every Precious Old Dame (POD) has her four-faceted Dame Diamond of Daily Needs to be fulfilled:

Feelings◇Revealings◇Bods◇PODs.

And all four facets of The Dame Diamond need occasional polishing to max out on the sparkle!

FEELINGS: An Aging Human Female has strong emotions and spiritual needs.
Polish the FEELINGS: Nourish yourself first… Don’t let anyone steal your joy… Own and honor your feelings… Find a physical space, a “womb of your own.”… “Lose that Unloving Feeling” by choosing a feeling or attitude that you no longer want… Be your own good mother to yourself… Honor your heart.

REVEALINGS: An AHFemale has her passions and reveals her inner self to the world through diverse interests, actions, and creations.
Polish the REVEALINGS:What activities in your youth brought a joyous smile to your young face? Why not recreate this long-lost “Dream A Little Dream” map to discover a treasure trove of joy! (The Sassy Primer’s Precious Old Dames’ Party Playbook can help you jiggle and joggle your memory!)

BODS: An AHFemale connects with her body through her body image, body choices, health TLC, clothes and sex.

Polish the BODS: Channel the Gentle Goddess of Bodies, who whispers in your ear as you look in the mirror, “This is the youngest you will ever look for the rest of your life. Enjoy!” (And no muttering, “That is supposed to be the good news?!”)
Grey hair makes you a silver fox… Eyelid droop is a come-hither look… Lip lines are frequent smile miles…Neck folds show your bravery from sticking your neck out—kudos… Hips—you were a hippie in the last century and you are hippie in this century…

PODS: Every AHFemale survives and thrives on friendships with her PODs. Your Precious Old Dames are female oxygen.

Polish the PODS: Meet over phone, zoom, letters, What’s App, text, FaceTime, cards, FaceBook, twitter, ESP, lunch—whatever it takes to keep your Dame Diamond sparkling!

So what happens when the Geezer Triangle of Daily Needs meets the Dame Diamond of Daily Needs? If an AHMale can help polish his Dame’s Diamond (ahem!) and an AHFemale can help equilateralize her Geezer’s Triangle (ditto on the “ahem!”), then a Geometry of Goodness happens!